Questioner:
I am twenty-five years old and a few years ago I started awakening. This powerful energy would rise within and the world around me would seem so new and different than before. But each time, I would go back and get emotionally stuck again. It is like I have a war going on inside my mind. One side is afraid that I don't know anything anymore and the other seems to know just about everything. I have been traveling recently and the new energy would just come up on its own and then fade away. I am wondering if there is a way to maintain this state. Right now, I haven't been feeling well and it seems to take up all my physical energy. Is it possible that this frequency could just go totally away and not come back? I am willing to do anything to get it back.
Katie Davis:
This is such a gift. For awhile, it seems as though there are glimpses of Truth and then the bliss seems to go away. However, bliss cannot disappear, since it is eternal. Eternal means that it must be here right now. The obscurations to Truth are the obstacles of conditioned thought. If you move slightly out of the present moment, it seems as though Truth has disappeared. It may seem that way, however it is not. It is like clouds on a sunny day blocking the sun for a moment. It doesn’t mean that the sun isn’t there. Soon the clouds move away and it is sunny again.
I would like you to take a moment to concentrate on being the inner body. Feel the cells of your body just dancing with life; perhaps in your hands first and then your feet ... now your entire body. Take a moment from the screen and close your eyes. Just observe breath breathing you. No effort required, just relaxed breathing. Observe the breath, right at your nostrils and experience how delicate the breath is. Go ahead, try this now.
Now look around the room that you are sitting in. Just be with it for a moment and look. Go ahead. Notice how the mind labels different objects. It is always attracted to objects. That is what the dual mind does. It separates the subject (the looker) from objects. Shift your attention to the space in the room. Please listen to the space with every cell in your body. Go ahead.
With attention remaining in the inner body, with your eyes closed again, I would like you to look intensely for the next thought. Just like a cat sitting outside of a mouse hole and waiting for the mouse to come out. Watch for the next thought. Go ahead, be alert. If a thought arises, just let it go and look intensely and fiercely for the next thought. Go ahead.
This is Presence. It is from here that I would like you to welcome these words on this page. They are arising from the silence. Listen to the space and the silence from which they arise, while being the inner silence within you.
While you are traveling, such as you have been doing, it is easier to be present. Every scene is rich and new. There is nothing habitual. Nothing is taken for granted. You are looking at things that you have never seen before. Is it possible to experience your present environment in the same manner? See everything and everyone, as though you have never seen them or met them before. It is living completely free of any past whatsoever. There is only here and now. Continue this attitude of not knowing anything, without any labels, looking out at the adventure and mystery of Life, as it appears before you. It is only the mind that pretends to know and what is known is past. To know is always some past concept, a past learning or conditioning.
I am asking you to look beyond the mind, beyond emotion and beyond form. What is beyond the mind cannot be conceptualized by the mind. Let go of all knowing. You have never seen any of these surroundings before. You know none of the people in your life. Even labels for people like “mother” and “dad” have storylines that go along with the label. Look at these people as though you have never seen them before. Nothing taken for granted. Nothing known.
The war that you are speaking of in your mind are two aspects of ego that are in opposition to one another. One is afraid to not know and the other who pretends to know. My question is what are they appearing in? You have perhaps listened to the resistance long enough. Can you attend the space deeper within you that is still. I am not asking you to try to stop the war. Just be the space within which it is occurring. Resist nothing whatsoever. The thinking is powerless unless you identify with the thoughts.Be the still observer as the thoughts travel downstream. If you identify, when you notice it, just release it and shift back to being the space within which they appear.
Turn your attention to the thinker, rather than the content of thought. Who is thinking? Who am you really? In the watching, mind begins to shift from the habitual projecting power of mind to the resting power of mind. This occurs naturally without doing anything. Who is the watcher? Can you watch the watcher?
“I” is a concept, only a word, and we assume that word is referring to the body. This is an assumption that has innocently enough been passed down to us by our parents. We accepted this first assumption without ever even investigating the truth of the matter. Are you really a separate “me,” as you have been conditioned? We have tried to build a life on something that has no foundation; no reality whatsoever.
However, you can’t take my word for it. This must be investigated by you. Go ahead. Close your eyes for a moment. Being the inner body, with your eyes closed, ask the question, “Who am I?” We are not looking for an intellectual reply. If a thought comes up, just let it go. Ask the question again, listening fiercely with every cell of your body, “Who am I?” Where does the “I” thought arise from? Go ahead. Listen and ask.
What did you find there? Is there anyone even there? What is there? Does it have any attributes? What does it feel like? Ask it again, “Who am I?”
This is the gift of direct Self-inquiry given to us by Ramana Maharshi. Every time one of his students had a thought, Ramana would have them ask the question again, “Who am I?” This brings attention back to Itself. The “I” dissolves into the Silence from which it has arisen. Seek the "I" and follow it back to the Heart that you are.
You said that you are willing to do anything that is required; to do whatever it takes. You really don’t have to do anything. It is more like an un-doing. I am asking you to release all concepts, everything that has been conditioned or learned, even the concept of “me.” Is it possible to sit in the uncertainty of not knowing who you are? If you are 100% willing to surrender this “me,” you will meet who you truly are. If you are only 90% willing to surrender that holdback will perpetuate the illusion and will continue to cause suffering. Are you willing to surrender and be nobody? It really isn’t that big of surrender, since when you look, the “I” is nowhere to be found. If not “I,” then, “Who am I?” What does this word "I" point toward?
You have been given the opportunity to realize the joy that you are. When the pain body comes up, just be the watcher. Detached and watching, observing how thought perpetuates the insanity. If the pain body comes up, show no resistance. Just surrender and be conscious with it. Welcome it and allow it to be as it is. Your resistance perpetuates it. Welcome it. It might be a little uncomfortable. It is OK. Don’t try to escape it. Turn inside and look at the fear. What is it? How deep is it? What is its nature? Do you really know fear? You have been running a lifetime from these negative emotions. Go find out what they really are. Walk into the emptiness.
When you identify with negative emotions, you will notice that your thinking begins to align with the negativity and starts telling stories about it. I am not asking you to act it out and I am not asking you to repress it. Just watch it. Make the suffering conscious. Love burns everything into Love. The light of your consciousness is Love.
You say that you are willing to do what it takes:
1. Stop and be still.
2. Resist nothing. Surrender to what is.
3. Welcome the present moment from a place of not knowing.
4. Be nobody.
5. Just by noticing, find out who is surrendering? Who is resisting? Who knows? Who is the one who glimpses Truth? Inquire, "Who am I?"
Katie Davis Website:
www.katiedavis.org
