Question:
I want to work through my fear of the void. I have gone through detachment but form wise, I can still be caught by the ego. Yet when I notice the attachment, I can just let go. I mostly experience that I am only the witness. Through the Self-inquiry that you have recommended, there then arises a vast emptiness that is nothing but darkness. Then I feel terrified. I am afraid I am going to die or something. I fear this stark darkness, resist it and avoid it by turning away. Maybe it is just the ego and it is going to psychologically die for good. It doesn't change the fact that I have this fear of death.
Otherwise, I have opened up to some new level of consciousness and sometimes have visions. I am never sure when they will come. I feel ecstatic because the visions are beautiful and suddenly, I become terrified of that. I think maybe it too is the fear of the loss of self. Again, a fear of death.
That is similar to how I feel now. There is the 'I am' which is the dissolving of being dependant on the mind, but at the same time an awful dread of living in the void and that brings up fear. My question is how to work with that fear and my attachment to it. On one hand, I am scared of dying and fear this nothingness. On the other hand, I am scared of losing self even when bliss arises.
Katie:
This is a beautiful report on the conscious recognition of the great void. Your report is filled with wisdom and I would like to simply confirm what is being recognized. Most are not yet aware of this void and yet this unknown void lurks. People give many reasons about why they feel fear; at least those who are sensitive enough to be aware of it. Yet, the root of all fear is not in the life circumstance. The root of all fear is the fear of the void.
Individually, the root points to the fear of death of the person. Collectively, it points to the fear of extinction of humanity.
The only way to know or to realize this void as it genuinely is ... is to 'walk into it' to investigate. Trying to escape only creates the runaway madness and imagination of the unawake mind.
Is the void as it seems? Is it more than a blank state of nothingness?
Who is perceiving the void? Is it not true that the void is perceived objectively? Who is the subject?
So first, I invite accepting and allowing. Resist nothing. Yes, noticing that terror is arising and allowing it to be as it is. Is the terror caused by a mental interpretation of how the void seems to be . . . dark, unknown?
All of this is spiritually ripe and shared with wisdom, courage and clarity. At this point, it is not like there is a choice ... the void is ... and it can remarkably point you deeper to conscious liberation and Self-realization. Now is the opportunity of transcending all states of consciousness.
I share with many people and some sense that they are going to physically die. You are recognizing that this is a psychological death ... of the ego.
I might add that it is also a fear of the collective psyche; the collective ego state of consciousness. No matter how it might seem, it is not a physical death or humanity's extinction. It is the 'death' of the psychologic ego state of consciousness and the 'death' of the psychological collective pain body. We will find that neither the ego state of consciousness, nor the collective egoic state of consciousnes, ever existed in the first place.
First and foremost, you can inquire, who is aware of fear or terror? Who is that? Who am I? After detachment, even as the witness only, who am I remains the essential question. There is a purer form of Self-inquiry that I share below in this article.
You have realized that you are not the ego state of consciousness. Then who is 'I'?
I understand that Self-inquiry turns attention directly 'toward' formlessness or the unmanifest and I understand that presently, a tremendous fear arises. This investigation is inescapable and unavoidable in order to live fearlessly.
What I am sharing is that fear and all of it variations such as sadness and anger or rage are delusions. Yet, this must be directly realized. The further inquiry is also essential for enlightenment. Then, the full integration of Self-realization gradually happens by itself. Being free of all suffering is a true possibility.
What is fear? Has the depth of fear been investigated ... both 'individually' and 'collectively'?
Right now, fear is your most valued teacher. Can you allow a great curiosity to arise to realize the true nature of fear and all darkness? Does fear have an end? What is deeper?
Can you allow fear to consume 'you' ... and consume the witness? Not 'someone' who is scared and not a witness of fear. That is duality and separation. Is it possible to be fear itself? How does the 'wave length' of fear feel? Can it be allowed to even deepen more to terror? Being terror ... the 'wave' length' of being terror? Is there anything deeper? Collectively, this void seems massive and infinitely deep. Is this really true?
There is no such thing as control. The residue of the intellect can consume us and may scare us. In those times, when the ego is really caught by the fear, can you simply be aware of the fear and allow it to be? After all, it is. Watch the mind as it attempts to add spin, which perpetuates it. This observing allows an understanding of ego's structure and how it perpetuates. By the way, there is no need to resist the egoic mind or "do" anything; simple watching is enough to transmute it.
The love that the pure witness is will transmute the fear into the radiant love that you truly are. The transforming power is in the observing.
Nonetheless, suppose that the fear is all too overwhelming and perhaps being present ... and welcoming the fear ... is simply not an option. At these times, courageously 'move into it' as I shared above. Take the light of the consciousness that you are into every dark corner. Just as darkness cannot survive the light of day, darkness cannot survive in the light of consciousness.
Will it drive you mad? Well, are you mad right now? Are you willing to investigate the deepest fears of the collective psychic state of consciousness ... the collective illusion? How else can you know the truth directly?
I cannot tell you a concept or philosophy that says ... losing the mind-created self is no diminishment. This must be looked upon directly within you. What are you seeing? You share and I can only confirm that what you are seeing is still the relative truth ... go deeper.
Is awareness afraid of visions or is it simply aware? Who is perceiving?
Some fixate on the fear (attachment) ... some fixate and get distracted by the meaning of a mystical vision. Others fixate on the power of mystical visions. All of these are distractions and ego calling you back to its time. Is it not true that mystical visions and psychic powers ... no matter how beautiful or fantastic ... they come and they go? They are impermanent. Whereas, you are here before, during and after. Who is that?
When the ego is losing its grip and certainly after detachment, ecstatic visions may appear. Unsuccessful at negative attraction, the conditioned mind starts creating extraordinary phenomena. In this manner, the so called mind can be quite successful at luring us back to the fear; fear of the fact ... that by some notion alone, we suddenly sense that we are still separate from the still Heart.
The egoic mind either individually or collectively can never 'know' the still Heart. You are the Heart. Sooner or later, the mind gives up, "This is beyond 'me,' I give up!"
It is ironic that in this unconditional surrender of the mind/ego/body/collective consciousness ... that joy rushes in.
One more word on visions. They may in fact have a relative meaning at the moment when they appear, perhaps. Listen carefully to the mind, while you are experiencing them rather than attending the vision. Listen. Whatever the mind is saying is part of the deeper psychic matters that will be revealed when you are present with what is being said. At that instant, it is clear. The subconscious psychic matters are seen or we could say they are known and therefore are spontaneously surrendered. By subconscious psychic matters, I am pointing to the fear of death or whatever has been previously and subconsciously hidden.
After the vision dissipates, it has no meaning whatsoever. People can spend years in the study of the meaning of some vision, what it means or where it is going is endless mental analyses that in the end, leads nowhere.
Listen, it is the vision that is coming and going... it is in movement ... it is impermanent.
Who is aware of it? THAT is never coming and going. It is the stillness that you are. In the end, mystical visions are essentially meaningless.
The appearance of the void leads to formlessness and the mind may be scared, since it is not known. Are you willing to make it known? Walk into it and see if it is as it seems. Can you measure it? How deep is it? This is the collective consciousness and it can lead to an unwavering true compassion and indestructible unconditional love. I repeat: curiously investigated.
What is the true nature of the void? Is there is a Heart to darkness? Is there a Heart to fear? When you walk into the void, listen. If you sense "hopelessness," become hopelessness and then ask, is there anything deeper? If despair comes up, become despair, and then ask, is there anything deeper?
There is a diamond there!
You mentioned that sometimes there is still attachment to the ego state of consciousness. As we have spoken before in our appointments, the "who am I?" question is still most appropriate. Yet, there are levels to Self-inquiry. Since detachment has now been realized, I would like to suggest the purest form of Self-inquiry.
As the witness only, I would like to suggest simply being "I." That is, resting as that feeling sense of "I" alone; Pure I.
Pure I is not the egoic-i which is only a thought form. What does the thought form represent? Attachment to the ego-I requires 'identification with' an object. You have realized that this is a mis-identification. Attachment requires an object to which consciousness identifies.
Whereas, Pure I is the Absolute. Only Pure I stands alone. Pure I is Pure I now. It is Pure Identity free of all objective experience. Only realizing the Absolute is enlightenment ... realizing That which stands alone.
Gradually, this then integrates as the Totality as Pure Beingness; a fully integrated pure awareness. This alone is Self-realization.
In closing, when deep fear arises, it is a chance to be gentle, kind, loving and understanding ... self-compassion.
