Questioner:
How do you approach these teachings, when facing difficulties with your physical body; to ask who is this "I" or body that is suffering or not feeling well? There is a moment that is just the acceptance of what is and yet how to be joyful when there is not the energy and the physical wellness?
Katie:
The Self-inquiry question ... just one question, "who am I?" lifts the veil of ego and joy is able to shine through. The joy is forever present. Joy is only covered up by “me and my story.” When the false “I” surrenders through Self-inquiry, the ego’s storyline goes along with it.
Relative happiness and its opposite … relative sadness ... merge together. The dualities dissolve and unending joy emerges. It is not something we become. Joy is who you are … totally beyond the body and “me and my story.” We just uncover it like taking blankets off the bed to find crisp, cool white sheets underneath. The body will be fine once we take off all the heavy armor of ego.
False “I” will never become joyful. YOU ARE joy, so no energy is required. Just like the eyeball cannot see itself. Without false “I” … JOY is the revelation.
Perhaps the body is merely asking you to stop, be still, realize the joy you already are.
I feel compassion for the body situation that you are sharing. For some, the body goes through quite a transformation process as well during the awakening. Some have body aches and pains, pretty wild energy shifts that may cause a little dizziness or disorientation. Others have interruptions and difficulty sleeping. Fatigue is really common. Some have anxiety and a sense that something is missing, but they can’t quite put their finger on it. The list goes on. That said, others have no issues at all with the physical. As soon as I say that this will all likely resolve … I am sure the mind will ask “when?!” No answer …
There are many body modalities. Energetically sensing your message, I am going to guess that you have tried just about everything as well as all the testing, diets, supplements, etc. without resolution. I am not a doctor or psychologist. I have supported many through the awakening for many years now.
Just as you say, when the physical is not feeling well, it is a huge distraction. That could in fact be why the mind dreams it all up in the first place! The body is more than a product of our nutrition and the way that we care for it. It is also a product of our thinking. Those negative thoughts (whether spoken or silent) cause our body to contract … we call that contraction negative emotion. So emotions also have an impact on form. The body is also effected by the mental images that it sees (example TV among many others) and our mental imaginations. The body senses it all as real. We also have the collective consciousness (“other” people) and when we begin awakening, if we are sensitive, our body feels the impact of those as well.
The physical also carries the pain of the past … a pain that will also be resolved. As we become more and more present, the form starts becoming somewhat transparent, which makes us aware of stored pain (denseness) which was there, but we were not conscious of it.
Some Pointers:
1. If you require medical attention, do so. If meds are prescribed, surrender to that since it is only short term. We all have our attitudes about meds, but just let it be temporarily (only a suggestion). Or whatever the naturopath suggests or whoever.
2. Do not accept a single diagnosis. Don’t label it. This crystallizes a false concept. “This is what is wrong with me.” Do what they suggest, but don’t believe it.
3. Don’t make a sense of self out of the pain and fatigue. “I am too tired, I can’t, I want, I need.” Etc.
4. Just as we allow the life situation to be as it is, tenderly allow and love the body to be as it is. Resistance is exhausting and pain producing. Is it possible to allow space around the situation? When we resist pain, we contract tightly around it. It is already dense and tight (fear), so allow space around the pain, while allowing it to relax. The power of ALLOWING is huge and is a natural transformer of anything negative into perfect love.
5. Is there an inside to the pain? Can you get underneath it to the free stillness? Really get to know and rest inside it. Breathing … being still and deeper.
6. With your eyes closed right now, may I draw your attention to your breathing? Just relax and feel how delicate the air feels as it moves in and out your nose. Relax a little more … can you let go even more? Still aware of your breathing? With your eyes closed, can you tell where the boundary of the body ends and where the space around the body begins? You can feel the chair you are sitting on, but where the body isn’t touching anything, can you sense the boundary of the body?
Now, still with eyes closed, I would like you to allow the body to expand … bigger than your house … big long inhale and exhale … let it expand larger than the tallest building. Rest in that lightness… total expansion.
7. When you shop for food, let’s go leisurely without any preconceived ideas about the menu. Go without the slightest idea of what the mind wants you to get. Walk through the fruits and vegetables NOT KNOWING … being nobody … see what the hand naturally reaches out for. Honestly look freshly like you have never seen ANY of it before. Let the body pick instead of the mind. Ice cream? A piece of chocolate? Well, you can see that I am not a nutritionist. Without any of the mind’s rules, what does the body reach out for?
8. Yes, tired, but never mind, slowly prepare your food with great love and attention … each movement like Zen. Fresh flower each week, sit down without music or tv … love and chew and chew and chew to taste each tiny bite.
9. Water … lots and lots of water.
10. Include breathing as part of your meal.
The ego does NOT want to let go. That psychological self will hang on with all its mite to the “I am the body” idea. The ego is scared … offer it compassion with a smile … much like a child … it is all ok. It is afraid that it does not exist … the good news is that it does not. If you are AWARE of the body, you cannot be the body. Who is that who is aware?
Don’t get me wrong, without the ego and all its negativity and fear, the body is extraordinary! There is NOTHING wrong with the form. The ‘problem’ is the misidentification with the false “I” and its pain. Who is “I?” “who am I?” “Who is aware of the body?” I am. “Who am I?”
OK, so we see that pain can be a distraction. That pain is holding on and anchoring you to the body limitation in fear of letting go. One day, you will have a good laugh about this, once you release and see what genuinely is!
However, this pain and fatigue can also be your very best teacher. It is with you all day long. You have been trying and making every effort (resistance) to fix it. That is exhausting all on its own. Is there the possibility to say, “I see you are never going to change, body. You are going to be this way the rest of your life. I at last completely accept that.” This is a very big challenge for the ego. Oh, oh, she is going to let go anyway! We sometimes think that if we were to accept it that somehow some supernatural power will make it forever so. Well … it is right now. It IS. There is only THIS moment.
Perhaps it has had your undivided attention too long. Let’s just leave it that way.
Really try this question on right here directly. Could you tell me, does that which is AWARE of the pain have any issue with the pain? Check it out.
You are that Awareness … not the “I” that is the body. Be the Awareness. The body does not require the ego who pretends to control everything. Rest as Awareness, when you get lost in time now and then and misidentify with the false “I” again, ask your Self-inquiry question again and you are back to being Awareness ... the one who has no issue with anything ... who unconditionally loves, accepts and is grateful for ALL THAT IS.
Then, the body is free. Let go or don’t let go … just wait and see …
"When will it let go?" Future fixation of the mind. Only the mind could ask. If I were to answer, I would probably say as soon as “you” don’t care any more.
In closing, another reason that pain is your friend is that when it is severe, it is impossible to be anywhere else than the present moment. “I am grateful that I am consciously being now.”
More pointers:
1. Journal: Nothing about “me and my story.” Find a new place to sit each time. Nature would be great, but it is probably pretty cold in most places now. Write only about the body’s senses and breathing. What do you see? How does seeing feel? How does your nose feel when you breathe. How does that fresh flower that you get each week smell? How do the petals feel? Are you grateful?
2. Journal: Find one place on the body that is pain free. Write about it. How does the cool pillow feel on your cheek? Are you grateful? Any other place pain free?
3. Paint, watercolor, crayons, chalk, pencil sketch. What color? How does the color feel? How smooth does the paint feel as it flows onto paper? Content does not matter. No storytelling.
4. Self-inquiry
5. Stand in the middle of the room, let the body sway, gentle bend, rotate your neck … let the body freely lead without the mind.
This is not a to do list with yet more things to try to fit into the schedule. Be creative … be the Awareness that is lovingly listening to the sweet body.
I hope some of this helps. I am in your Heart and you have all the support one could ask for. Surrender "I" just for this moment.
Katie Davis Website www.KatieDavis.org
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