Thursday, May 6, 2010

Ego-ji and Fear, Anger and Sadness by Katie Davis, Author, "Awake Joy"

The invitation of this reading is to allow it to be "multi-dimensional." That is to say, the words are flowing as a river through consciousness and are only pointers. There is something deeper here, something ineffable; the radiant stillness within. This stillness is behind and permeating every word.

If you are not aware of the stillness now, please take a moment to be conscious of the breath and follow it into the silence. While reading, if you find that you are only reading intellectually, please take a moment to stop; consciously breathe. Are you aware of being? The truest teaching is not within the words. The words always point to the stillness.

The phantom named ego is an altered state of consciousness, whose primary belief is the mental idea of "me." Its false assumption is that its identity is the body and that it was born and therefore must die. In identification with the mind-made self, you cannot be conscious of the magnificent Heart that you genuinely are. Instead, the ego believes itself to be only a fraction and its mantra is "me against the world."

This sense of separation creates the delusion of a tremendous pain gap that manifests in the life situation as all forms of negativity; from a general sense of unease, impatience or frustration, to anger or rage, sorrow or misery and fear, dread or even terror. I suppose that one could say that in its altered state, Ego-ji is fear.

For the ego that thinks it is the body, the deepest fear is the threat of death, annihilation and extinction. With great compassion and understanding, we could note that anyone who still believes that their identity is the body is under a constant sense of threat and more likely than not, unaware of the related stress and negativity.

This fraction is in constant search to complete itself through some other, causing anxiety or trying to escape all that it suspects to be a threat. Whether seeking pleasure to avoid pain or trying to escape what it fears, its baseline within time will always be some form of fear.

The most armored state of the ego and therefore the most fearful is anger. When we encounter an angry ego, the misperception is that it is very powerful, when in fact it is demonstrating the strongest need to control in order to protect itself. When we directly investigate and allow anger to consciously arise within us in order to feel it fully, understand its structure and how it perpetuates, in that acceptance, the anger begins to dissolve.

Just underneath the anger as it fades away, we then encounter the next protective layer of the ego, which is sadness. Some cultures have conditioned the ego to believe that crying is a weakness. When in fact, this ego state of consciousness is allowing more vulnerability and is therefore less fearful. When we allow the sadness to fully arise consciously, after first resisting the emotion, it is similar to a floodgate opening. The emotion gushes forth and allows a certain freedom in the release. In its emptiness, one may even realize the birth of true compassion.

Once again, if there is a willingness to attend, allow and understand the accompanying psychological voice and how it perpetuates negativity, we have brought what was previously hidden and subconsciously operating into the light of consciousness. When we completely allow and accept the emotion, it begins dissolving.

If you are courageous and curious enough to investigate the next layer of the ego's negativity, you will encounter fear; the least guarded and protected human emotion. As with all of these negative emotional states, there are many degrees of intensity within the same emotion. So if you are inviting in fear for the purpose of investigation, why only allow a little bit? Let this be the opportunity to follow it from fearful to terrorized to petrified of death or extinction.

A helpful question might be, "Is there anything deeper?" Follow it into the "valley of the shadow of death" and find out whether death is a reality.

Psychological fear is always based on what the ego imagines and never on what is actually happening. For instance, the survival instinct might arise if a tiger jumped out right now from behind your computer screen. For certain, the body intelligence would immediately jump to safety. This is not the fear of which I am sharing. Psychological fear is purely psychological, without clear and present danger. Fear arises due to imagining what might be, so it is a chronic future fixation that is based on separation.

Without time, the ego does not exist. The identification with the ego-I requires the delusion of time and separation. So when we are fiercely being now, separation and its fear are not possible.

Likewise, when we apply the Self-inquiry question, "Who am I?", the mind's attention is turned inward and therefore the veil of ego is immediately dropped. Instead, we look to see from whence that thought is arising.

In either case, whether being now or through Self-inquiry, whatever is subconscious or unconscious will eventually arise into consciousness. This is important, since the darkness cannot survive the light of consciousness and this is the true liberation to which I point. This liberation is not possible if you assume what I am sharing to be true as another belief. It is only available to the brave heart who wants to know the truth by directly investigating.

One could say that there is no escape. In fact, the sooner that you are willing to allow and investigate the deepest fears of the psyche, the sooner those imaginary fears will dissolve into the pure love that you genuinely are right now.

Listen ...

Ego-ji is scared because it imagines that is is separated. It is then angry, because it is imagines its weakness in sorrow. It is sad because it is defending against what it imagines fear to be. It greatest fear is the imagination of what death is.

The truth of the matter is that Ego-ji was never born and cannot die. Ego-ji itself only exists in its imagination. Upon this revelation, it all seems quite amusing and yet when caught up in the dream, it is a nightmare. The opportunity of the awakening is to free all of these ghosts and see things aright. In this, you are fearlessly free. In fact, you are free now and yet may not be conscious of the fact.

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Xristos said...

I arrived at this blog with a search for sadness and ego release. The wonder of the internet is that one can find a congruence of ideas.
The reason I did the search is because I have been practicing breath meditation for four months and recently quit smoking "cold turkey" 2 mths. ago, thinking well what chance is there of being enlightened if I am an addict? Anyway in the last month or so I have felt a sadness like grieving and depressive to the point of thinking of ending it all. My small wisdom however reminds me though that suicide is an angry act toward those who love me.
But I was wondering is this sadness grieving over the loss of a habit, the loss of the identity that smoking gives or perhaps the shedding of some part of my ego or a combination? I am thinking the latter. I have given up smoking previously in my life for periods of several years, but was not aware of grieving it, perhaps because I replaced smoking with increased indulgence in alcohol, sex, coffee even long distance running and swimming. This time I try to minimize relying on replacement of one addiction for another, as in the long term I want to be free of addiction or at least the addictive behaviour. I phrase it thus because the reality maybe even if I never smoke again the addiction will always be there.

Katie Davis, Author, Awake Joy said...

Beloved Xristos ~

You are totally and completely embraced in this matter ... you are truly loved.

The primary addiction is compulsive thinking and some of the secondary addictions may be to cover up all of the compulsive thinking. The body believe what those negative thoughts are saying. In fact, negative emotion is the body's reaction to negative thinking.

I am not asking you to change a single thing. I am simply inviting you to look directly at those thoughts and realize that there is a direct correlation between the thoughts and the corresponding emotions.

I am neither a doctor or a therapist. If you feel that you require that support, I would encourage you to do so.

That said, sweet Heart ... there is NOTHING wrong with you. :)

Are you AWARE of the sadness? Now look directly for a moment and see. Does that AWARENESS have any issue at all? Rest as that awareness.

The breath meditation is perfect. In fact, it could open an entirely 'new' dimension; one of simply being ... the sense "I am," rather than "I am this" or "I am that."

There are so many who are opening to spiritual awakening and with this opening, we become far more sensitive of the pain that has been held on to for so many years.

I just posted another blog last night that might also be helpful. It's title is "The Heart of the Matter."

One last thing. Is it possible to shift out of time to simply being here and now? Negativity belongs to the ego and the ego always fixates on the past and future.

Just being here now ... feel how beautiful the air feels as it moves in and out your nose. Just this ... now.

Oh yes, and being compassionate and kind to Beloved Xristos.

All Love ~ Katie