Freedom, Storytelling, Patience by Katie Davis

Question:

Thank you for the words of guidance. I am feeling there is some sort of divine grace that allows the "me" to dissolve into the real Self. I understand the practice of being still and observing. Lately,feelings of depression come up from a long time of self betrayal since first sensing the state that you live many years ago. I have to say I ran from this truth as I was not finished with the story. NOW that I am ready to let go of that story and surrender, it is like the body still has its own program with intense feelings. I feel moments of the crises and say now I must break this bondage to the false self. I must BE the LOVE I profess!! Still the self clinging self centeredness remains as a knot in the heart. I no longer want to blame this suffering on another, but accept full responsibility for what I would call the selfishness. I know it is simple, but is not Grace a factor? Looking at that ALL LOVING

Katie:

It is true that through some divine, profound grace, we are able to see beyond the personal self and ultimately that it never even existed in the first place, except as a collection of conditionings, concepts and beliefs; all of which belonged to the conceptual, ‘dreaming I.” The mind-body with its given name still appears with all of its beauty and individual talents … it just is not your identity, yet absolutely inseparable from Pure I that is the Heart of Being; the sacred, inner sanctum of the body that is the abode of unconditional love.

“My being” is the ego trying to possess the divine to make it personal and therefore separate, when in fact, it is the other way around. “I am” is the divine dimension that flows into our lives just like a breeze through an open window, when we are present (that is to say when we are living now) and therefore free of the problematic thinking.

The “dreaming I,” its identification with thought and then the impact of those thoughts on the body is what we call emotion. It all starts when we shift into time. We then misidentify with ego (the “I” thought and its thinking – concepts, judgments, interpretations) and the body senses those thoughts. Then we become sad, angry, depressed or relatively happy depending upon which thoughts we identify with.

The truth of the matter, these thoughts do not belong to us and we can just allow them to stream by without identification with them. In this, we are free of the corresponding emotion. The only shift that is required is to notice that when you are suffering, you are in time and then use the body’s sensing to bring you back to now. Do you hear a bird singing? Do you see something beautiful? Better yet, do you notice that the birdsong rises from the silence and returns to silence? Or, do you notice the space around the beautiful object that you are seeing?

The breath is also an excellent tool to shift from time to timelessness. Close your eyes and simply follow your breathing and how delicate it feels as it moves in and out your nose. Do you notice that at the end of each breath, there is a pausing silence that is still before the next breath?

We use the body to become present, since it is always appearing in the present moment. So, the portals are: sensing, the breath, silence and space to bring us back to timelessness where we are thought free and therefore realize emotional freedom.

You are seeing with great clarity that “me and my story” is the suffering. This is perfect and there is a willingness to surrender it. Yet, out of a lifetime of habit, it is persistent. It is also perfect that you are aware of the habit. What this means is that you are already beyond it. Please tell me, does that awareness ever have a problem?

When you are aware of it … it is like the tail of a comet that follows the comet after its passing. However, instead of just allowing it to be, being patient with the passing tail, the ego is coming through the back door and tricking you back to storytelling …. “I must be the love” (control, manipulation), “I am still clinging to self centeredness” (judgment), “there is a knot in my heart” (ego’s delusion to hold you in time and suffering). However the truth of the matter, tricking you is no longer ego’s option … since you are AWARE of it. The direction is always toward that which is aware. Instead of watching the thinking and the storytelling/depression … be AWARE … be present using the portals that I mentioned above.

Or, are you aware of being aware? Tend to THAT instead of watching the story. These stories have been going on for eons. I don’t know about you, but I just got plain bored with hearing the same old baseline stories over and over again ... unworthy, unloved … etc. All ego stories are about the same with very little variation. Instead, can you watch the watcher?

The truth of the matter is, you ARE this love … whether you are present or not … we just are not able to realize it when we are not present. So tender, loving self compassion is in order. That is what unconditional love is.

You already know your thoughts and your story, right? Well maybe enough is enough. Who is THAT which is aware?

Yes, grace is a factor, but it requires your deep curiosity and investigation into what lies within you; beyond and closer to you than me and my thoughts, me and my emotions and me and my body.

What is all this appearing within? Isn’t it appearing in space? That spatial awareness is the key.

If you have my book, “Awake Joy,” in the second appendix, there are helpful practices that will also support you.

All loving is not something we become, it is the unconditional love that we already are and we realize it when we are now. Is there ever a shortage of now in your life? Lost in time, we forgive the habit, offer ourselves compassion and patience … allowing it to be as it is, while knowing that the all loving is underneath it … no more than an eclipse of the moon.

I know it is not comfortable, but suffering does have an end. It is impermanent. Surrender to what is and know that it is only the tail of the comet, because you are NOW AWARE.

Katie Davis Website: www.katiedavis.org