Pure Awareness, Being Consciousness Bliss, the Fear of Death, Pointers and Practices by Katie Davis

Question:

As you have always said, I hear the call of the wild, not only the calling of Heart, but physically a call to the wilderness in the mountains. There has been much deepening and in the end, I only seem to know of less and less. I don't seem to really know anything! It doesn’t happen much any more, but sometimes I get caught up in sadness and I invite it to sit for as long as it seems to stay. Other times, a strange fear of death is playing. Instead of falling into the abyss, I am taking off for the wilderness to go camping and to just be alone. Could you offer some pointers or practices for during this time?

Katie Davis:

You are moving right to the edge of the cliff. For awhile, maybe you are feeling a bit vulnerable and precarious, but what a relief to finally say, I don't know! You don't know what you are looking at, you don’t know where you are going, and you don’t know who you are or even what is. “I don’t know.” Perfect! In this, you are sitting in the mystery, watching in wonderment as everything and everyone comes and goes; whether within or without.

We are conditioned to fixate on all of the objects that we see. Instead, letting all of the circumstances and life situations simple pass by. They appear and then they disappear. Be faithful to that flame in your Heart of all hearts.

This flame is the place of deep vigilance. It is a feeling of prayer; it is objectless worship and it is sacred. Perhaps we could call it adoration. Being vigilance is being devotion, until there is no longer any perception that there is "someone" who is separate from Truth. Be patiently and sweetly vigilant until the emotional pain body no longer has its way. You will see that you are not separate from Truth. You are the Infinite. Meet this divinity face to face … by simply being.

While you are camping alone, you will have the opportunity to observe your sleep. In a way, when we move into deep sleep, it is similar to dying and yet, we all adore it! In deep sleep, there is no point of reference (no you), no sense perceptions, not even a perception of the body. This is the bliss of deep sleep. Be aware of the many stages of consciousness as the body is going to sleep and aware of the stages as the body begins waking up. Right before the body stirs awake, the awareness that you are is purely being-consciousness-bliss; free of body consciousness. This is a brief passage, but it can be noticed. Then the body appears. Then suddenly the world appears.

I love the level of surrender that you are reporting. We used to get an idea of how we want our life to be and then we try to force life to be how we want it. We resist what is and try to bend life into our personal concept of life. We think that we are this independent entity and then try to get people to agree with our concept. When there is disagreement, there is usually fighting about it. All the while, life is passing and offering you everything. I wonder how it would be to be totally free of "me?"

This perception of yourself, as you used to think that you were, is surrendering. You used to believe that you were your thoughts, your emotions and your body. This preoccupation can only continue as long as you feed it. You have stopped feeding your mind and the related emotions. Now, simply wait and see without expectation, the destiny of this life.

Let the clouds of emotion pass by. The sky doesn't care about the passing clouds. You are the sky. You are not an individual looking up at the sky, you are the sky looking down at the appearance of body (ultimately, that isn't even true!). You are the sky of being. Isn't that beautiful?! This is a great contemplation for you as you sit restfully in the wilderness.

If suffering does begin to rise, it is a signpost that you are out of the moment. Stop for a moment and be vigilant to this flame in your heart. If you are looking to any past moment and trying to heal it, you are missing right now, where you are already whole, radiant and complete. If you are glancing to the future, where you hope to get such and such, in order to be happy, you are missing right now, which is always offering supreme happiness and the deepest joy of human experience. Often this game of past projecting a future will squeeze the moment of now out of conscious existence; well out of perception. The only place where true life takes place is right now. A life lived in the now is filled with joy and adventure. It is time to stop practicing for life. You can't practice for life. Live is right now. If you are practicing, you are not truly living.

So on this trip, instead of watching your mind be acutely present with whatever is. That attention stills compulsive thinking. While you are driving, notice an apple dangling on a tree that you are passing by; an apple on a sturdy, well rooted tree that bends with the wind; or a pretty crystal hanging from the rear view mirror in the car in front of you; every facet reflects the light. Concurrently, you are in devotion to that which does not move and that which is eternally present. Just let the Flame of Being burn naturally in your heart … as it always is. Awakening can be an ease of recognition. If you look directly, you will notice that life is now and that is is just naturally so. Wherever you are, the Flame is burning.

There are many great insights and profound experiences on this path, but to try to recreate them is a mistake. These revelations are part of that which comes and goes. Just let them go without the effort of holding on. When you are holding on, you miss it. Or maybe, you are contemplating a past, painful loss. Let the experience pass by without the fixation, preoccupation, compulsion and obsession. Instead, sit in not knowing, grounded in the now, Flame burning. Be true to That. Be That.

Have a wonderful trip. What an adventure. It is a blessing to see this willingness to surrender.

Katie Davis Website: www.katiedavis.org